or… the Big Pond vs. the Little Backyard

I have a Big Pond in my Little Backyard. A pond that has been my nemesis for the past oh, 5 years. (courtesy of a crazy boyfriend who was a much bigger nemesis, but that’s another story)

It’s been mostly okay so far — as in, no major fish deaths other than the one that did the Dumb Thing — and in five years I’ve gone from half a dozen fish to around 40, so I figure clearly I must be doing *something* right (or they are). But it never really got finished. It’s been one of those Projects. Never-ending, never finished Project.

The original idea* was to have a large main pond fed by a waterfall from a smaller marginal pond. But marginal ponds are crazy-hard to make, apparently. At least ones with waterfalls. Or, more accurately: it is pretty easy to make water fall, but much harder to make it land in the right place. Somehow I could get the water to <pump out of the pond/flow through the pipe/ feed into the filter/ flow through the pipe/ rise into the spillway> lovingly cascade into the pond for one glorious evening. But by the middle of the night, something would go terribly wrong. It would spring a leak, or clog a filter, or somesuch whatnot, and thousands of gallons of water would be roaming free in my Little Backyard. And worse, 40-some odd fish would be left looking up at me, blinking in that “what the hell..?” kind of fish way.

Now after the second flooding of the Little Backyard I got wise. well, less stupid. maybe. (I’m not a “learn it the first time” kind of person — it sometimes takes twice. But I digress.) After the second flooding, I did what any sane person would eventually do after a lot of cursing, I called the Pros. Who were nice enough to come out for a free** consultation.

During the consultation, they told me two things: One, I have an amazingly well-designed perfectly healthy little ecosystem that they were completely impressed with, as apparently the average pond inventor does Dumb Things that leave the Pros explaining in kindergarten-speak just how stupid they are. I am quite pleased to be above average! And even more pleased to not have to hear kindergarten-speak, but instead have a bonding moment with the Pros over just how dumb other people are. Which is much more gratifying, by the way. And Two, my blue koi is apparently worth a lot of money (who knew?? Now I am somewhat more intent on not letting him die due to anything that could be construed as my stupidity.)

They then explained that my waterfall was simply too small for the size of my pond. (Which makes me wince a little, knowing that if I was a guy, this probably wouldn’t have happened.) Would I like them to order the correct one? But of course, I said with a wave of my hand. Then*** the Pros did what Pros do best, snuck their elves into my Little Backyard while I was at work and made everything right and sent me the bill.

And the Big Pond and the Little Backyard lived happily ever after.

*I should probably mention that the “original idea” is also known as the “crazy ex-boyfriend idea”, and my “new and improved idea” was just to get the damn thing to work and not turn my Little Backyard into a swamp.

**free =$1400

***then=2 weeks to order parts, 2.5 hrs. to install, 3 days to hyperventilhate over the bill

Epilogue:

I still have to finish some landscaping, plant a few things around the waterfall to hide it’s Rubbermaid-ishness, but all in all it is quite lovely, and knowing that it is done brings out my inner Zen :}